The Letters
by BigRed502
Summary: Tiva - She waited everyday to hear from him and never did... - Spoilers for Agent Afloat 6x2


So in honor of the new NCIS on tonight (fingers crossed for Tiva) I decided to finally post this one-shot. I know Agent Afloat was a while ago, but it was so great I had to write about it... I hope you enjoy, thanks for reading!

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**The Letters**

**It had been months since she had last seen him. Four God awful months since she had seen him smile. 122 days since she had heard one of his stupid movie references. To say she had missed him would be an understatement. She felt like she was going crazy. He was her oxygen and now she couldn't breathe. **

**She had never realized how strong their connection was until they were separated by oceans and continents. She waited everyday to hear from him and never did. She rationalized that he had no reason to write her, after all, she hadn't written him either. He was probably perfectly happy.**

**That was why she jumped at the chance to go to Mexico. Maybe then she could breathe again.**

**When they finally got on the carrier, her head was pounding. The force of the landing combined with the loud noises from the deck was giving her a headache. She pushed that aside however, because she didn't want her time with him to be wasted. She was not sure when he would be coming back, if ever. They paused in a hallway while their boss took a phone call from home. It was then that she had a chance to really look him over.**

"**You seem different," she commented, looking him up and down. She was trying to memorize him for when they were apart again.  
**

"**Taller? Hotter?" he teased, not realizing how correct his words were.  
**

"**Older," she lied, falling back on their familiar banter.  
**

"**Well, it's been... over four months," he replied. She could have told him the number of days and hours since they had last seen each other, but their boss was only feet away. She wanted to tell him how much the time was affecting her but decided to save it for another time.  
**

"**You still beating yourself up over Jenny?"**

"**Not as much as I used to," he replied, the guilt still present in his voice. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be alright and it was not his fault, but she couldn't.  
**

"**Drinking?"  
**

**He hesitated before answering, clearly debating whether or not to lie. "****Not as much as I used to."  
**

"**You could have called," she said seriously, looking up into the emerald eyes she had missed all 124 days they had been apart. He was about to reply when their boss cut in.**

"**DiNozzo, grab your gear, we're going topside," he commanded.**

"**What about me?" she asked, not wanting to be left out or away from him again.**

"**You can chill in my room," he answered, leading her down a narrow passageway.**

"**What does being cold have to do with the case?" she asked, struggling to keep up while jumping the hurdles between hallways.**

"**It's an expression, Zee," he replied, a smile present. She had missed that smile so much.**

"**Is this where you have been the past months?" she asked as they entered a tiny room with only enough space for a bunk and a desk. He nodded.  
**

"**It's like the squad room, only I'm the squad and there's no room." He flashed her one of his famous DiNozzo grins and her heart did a flip-flop in her chest. Before she could say anything more, he left, leaving her alone in his tiny room. She took the opportunity to look around, wanting to see what his life had been like in the past four months.**

**She stared in surprise at his only three pictures. **_**That was so Tony**_**. She was going to kill McGee. She couldn't believe this was the only piece of home he had with him. She entertained the thought that she was the only one he missed, but soon gave up realizing that he had talked to everyone but her. **_**Maybe he didn't care**_**. But then why did he have her picture on his wall?**

**She sat down at his desk, preparing to work on the case when curiosity got the better of her. She opened one of his drawers only to find a large stack of envelopes. Wondering why he had this much mail, she glanced at the labels. They were all marked "Ziva David", but he had obviously never sent them. Looking closer, she noted that there seemed to be over a hundred letters, each varying in size. **

**She couldn't believe her eyes. It looked as if like he had written her every day. Without waiting to ask permission, her name was on them anyway, she quickly tore into the first envelope. It was dated the first day they were apart. All it said was,**

May 7th

Dear Ziva,

_**He obviously had better things to do than write me**_**, she thought bitterly. Sighing with that thought, she opened the next one.**

May 8th

Dear Ziva,

That seems too formal. How's Israel? Hot? Sandy? I hope you're having fun cause I'm

**That was all he wrote. She wondered what had prompted him to stop writing. It looked like he was writing drafts. Each letter after that got a little bit longer until she came to the one from May 26****th****. It was only three words, but they changed everything.**

May 26th

Dear Z,

I miss you.

Tony

**She was taken aback. She checked both sides, but those were the only words he wrote before he addressed the envelope and put a stamp on it. It seemed as though he intended to actually mail this one, but never did. She wondered what she would have done if this letter had been sent. Would she have written him back? What would she have said? Would she have admitted to feeling the same way? She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer. **

**What if it was just his loneliness getting the better of him? He probably didn't mean it the way she thought he did. She opened the next few letters. He started telling her about his day and she got the impression she was the only person he talked to. He was quite candid about some of the gossip he heard and what he thought about all the other guys on the ship. She was laughing out loud by the time she got to the July 4****th**** letter.**

July 4th

Dear Z,

Happy 4th of July! Today is the day we celebrate independence from England… (wasn't sure if you knew that) I imagine you felt pretty independent when you got to NCIS. Were you happy to get away from your dad Mossad? I know they taught you all your crazy assassin moves, but it always seemed like you weren't happy there. Not like you ever shared any personal details with me… (the air conditioner, huh?) But whatever… I remember when I was a kid the 4th of July was my favorite holiday. My dad and I would light firecrackers all day and scare my mom. Those were some of my only good memories with my dad. That was a long time ago.

Well, they're lighting some fireworks on deck, so I'll talk to you later. Stay safe.

Tony

**It seemed this was the only letter of its kind. She continued to read as the letters got longer again. The more letters she read the more she found a pattern. After the 4****th**** of July, he started ending all of his communications with "stay safe" or "hope to see you soon". There were no more references about Mossad or his father. They started to seem impersonal, like he was simply keeping a log of the things he did. When he would remember that he was writing a letter he would try to add something funny or a random movie quote. She had really missed his sense of humor, but these oddities seemed out of place, like he was trying to give the impression he was happy. It didn't take a trained investigator to know he wasn't. It saddened her to see how lonely he was, but what made it worse was that he wasn't lonely enough to share it with her. **_**Or he's just afraid**_**, her mind countered, **_**just like you**_**.**

**She was growing tired of this fake Tony as she continued to read. She noticed there was a large gap between July 30****th**** and August 10****th****. The first letter after the gap sent a chill down her spine.**

August 10th

Z,

I'm sorry for not writing for a while (well, it's not like I'm sending these anyway) but a lieutenant committed suicide last week. It's a sad story. The guy was apparently really depressed and going stir crazy here. He couldn't take it. The hardest thing was making the call to his wife. You can't imagine how difficult it was to call this guy's soul mate wife and tell her he wasn't coming home. It's one thing to die a hero; it's another to go willingly. I honestly don't know how I manage to get by. If I didn't have you If I couldn't look at your picture everyday and see what I'm missing I think I'd go insane. You give me hope. I wish Gibbs would hurry up and get me off this damn boat. It's been 96 days since I've heard Abby's crazy music. 2,304 hours since I called someone a Probie. 138,240 minutes since my last head slap (I think I'm due for one sometime soon)… and 8,294,400 seconds since the last time I saw you.

One of these days I just might try to swim home.

Tony

**She could feel the chill in the air as her eyes scanned over this depressing letter. Obviously, Tony was fine, but to think that he had been this low made her chest tighten. If she had gotten this letter she would have abandoned whatever mission she was on and came to him without a second thought. It pained her to think that he felt so alone for so long. She knew she had been feeling the same way, but luckily she had been brought back to NCIS.**

**That letter seemed like the turning point in his writings. Before he had been hiding something, clearly not writing what was really on his mind. After the 10****th****, the letters got more personal.**

August 11th

Z,

Thinking about death has really got me (pardon my pun) thinking. It's hard to think about all the things I regret, but I can't help it. What else am I gonna do on this stupid boat? First of all I wish I'd had a better childhood. I wish my dad wasn't such a douchebag (I'll explain that one sometime). I regret not getting to have a real childhood. I didn't get to play in the mud or get my lunch money stolen… I didn't get to do much of anything. I can't imagine your childhood was any different, growing up in a war zone. Sometimes I felt like home was a war zone. My own personal Desert Storm.

I also wish I'd gotten a chance to take a swing at Vance. I'd really love to give him a piece of my mind… I regret not thanking Gibbs for everything he's taught us. I might get in trouble one of these days, but I've actually found myself head-slapping some of the guys. They don't really get it. I miss hanging out with Abby. She can be crazy, but a little crazy is a good thing. The guys here don't believe me when I tell them some of her stories. Tell her I said hi, and that I got her postcards.

I really wish you would write me too. I guess you guys are too busy. I'm sure Probie has some new Dungeons and Dragons thing to keep him busy. You should ask him about it (no don't, I'm just kidding). I regret not telling him how proud I am of him. He's turning into a good agent (not as good as me of course) but he's learned to hold his own.

I think the thing I regret most is not talking to you more. I really wish you would open up to me (who else am I gonna tell?) even if it's just small stuff. I miss correcting your English, which I guess I'm gonna have to do more often now that you've probably reverted to Hebrew. I miss our random conversations behind the stairs, in the elevator, even the Men's bathroom… I guess what I'm trying to say is I miss you. A lot.

Tony

**She couldn't believe what she was reading. She knew Tony was a good guy at heart and probably felt this way, but imagining it and reading it are two different things. She was surprised at how honest he was being, but shrugged it off to the fact that he probably thought she wouldn't ever read these. She suddenly felt like she was reading his diary of sorts. She felt like she was intruding on his private thoughts. She set the letter back on top of the stack.**

**She was over the moon that he seemed to miss her as much as she missed him. She started to regret not writing him. Maybe they could have tried the long distance thing. She realized that she was already thinking about them as more than partners and had to clear her head of the ridiculous thought. **_**He just misses his partner that is all**_**, she thought. **_**Even if it seems like something more**_**.**

"**You might as well skip to the last one," a voice from behind her suddenly called. She jumped, almost dropping the letters in her hands.**

"**Tony! I- I did not mean to read them. I was just- just curious," she rambled, feeling like a child with their hand caught in the cookie bin.**

"**Cookie jar," he corrected with a smirk. Sometimes it scared her how well he could get in her head.**

"**I am sorry," she set the letters on his desk, standing up to face him.**

"**Don't apologize, it's a sign of weakness," he teased, a familiar glint of mischief in his eye. "Read," he commanded lightly, seriously. "It might be important."**

**She picked up the last letter, her hands almost shaking. After the brutal honesty of the last letter she couldn't imagine what else he could say after 27 more days.**

September 7th

My Ninja,

Today I heard you were coming to visit. I tried staying on deck all morning I couldn't be more thrilled that I get to see your beautiful face again. I've missed you so much it's starting to hurt. Without you in my life I don't think I'd survive. You have to see I think it's time I told you my biggest regret. I know we've been through a lot together (the shipping container, the bomb diffusing, the head slaps, the knife training, I could go on forever) and even through all the death and destruction (mostly my fault) you were there for me. Even if I wasn't for you.

**She swallowed the lump forming in her throat as she continued to read. It seemed like he had spent a lot of time trying to make this letter perfect, but she couldn't figure out why.**

You've always been a shoulder to cry on, a friend to call at three in the morning (sorry about that), someone who can give as good as they get and scare me with office supplies. You've been my one constant throughout the past three years (not counting the rest of the A-Team) and I never got a chance to thank you for that. Well, I want to do more than thank you.

My biggest regret has been not telling you how I feel. I know I've been evasive and a bit aloof, but I knew what you were saying about soul mates. I was just too scared to admit to myself how perfect you really are. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met, and I wish I had the opportunity to tell you that more often. You're beautiful, challenging, exotic, mesmerizing, tantalizing, and completely breathtaking. I wish I could have the chance to tell you the one thing I've never said.

Ziva David, my crazy ninja, my sweetcheeks, I love you more than anything else in the whole world (even Magnum).

Yours Forever and Ever and Ever and Ever,

Tony

**There were tears falling from her eyes as she finished reading and looked up at him. In one quick motion he was across the room in front of her. Cupping her face in his hands, he wiped away her tears with his thumbs. His eyes were filled with so much love it was getting harder for her to stand. She knew she had to say something before she lost her nerve.**

"**Me too," she whispered, as he brought his face closer to hers and captured her lips in the most perfect kiss she had ever experienced. They finally let down their walls and let their passion take over. **

**They were on a boat thousands of miles from home, but they were in love, and nothing would ever keep them apart again.**

**{end}**

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Thanks for reading! Don't miss NCIS tonight, and Please Review!

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